Unless otherwise noted, all contents of the Ughy Club were created by and belong to Jules and Stellaciel Blue since 2008. Yeah.
Despite what my parents keep telling me, this is because of some melodramatic, FictionPress-story worthy, rare genetic disease that has plagued me since adolescence, and not because I'm on the computer too much.
Cancer is the only explanation for the bulbous tumors that randomly pop up in my earlobes every fortnight.
which is a ridiculous (and therefore incorrect) diagnosis, because HOW ON EARTH do identical vasospasms occur SIMULTANEOUSLY in TWO DIFFERENT APPENDAGES? I was having that hit-my-funny-bone feeling in my fingers - all ten of them - and ONLY in my fingers. Muy freaky, ladies and marsupials!
Ah, dear Orville. I was quite put-out when you declined my offer of tea. (*had bear-trap set with cheese*) Feel free to peruse his bio.
Please see this article for a complete account.
All righty. (Stell: This is an epic tale.) So I go to the doctor because I'd been fainting, and they say, "Well, I have no idea what's going on here," and send me to a cardiologist for a heart sonogram, who gives me a blood test and tells me I have hypothyroidism. Joy. So I get on the medication for it and SIX MONTHS LATER the doctor rings me up, brings me into the office, stabs me with a needle five times, and tells me, "That hypothyroidism was an anomaly. You're normal now. Go off and be merry."
Stell: But everyone has those.
I COULDN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM THEY WERE SO BAD, STELL! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! I'M NOT MELODRAMATIC OR ANYTHING, SHEESH!
I was born with duck feet and knees and ankles that wouldn't touch. So the doctors said, "Jules, they're not 'duck feet,' they're 'duck FOOTED!' We must drill screws in your knees, take an inch off your height, and make them straight again! OLE!"
I've been going around saying I have leprosy because people ask why I'm covered in band-aids, when really I'm just highly allergic to mosquito bites which have exploded all over my body. They are drippy.
